Dear love,

I’m sorry I did not turn out like what you expected me to be. I’m sorry I made you cry over and over again. I’m sorry for having empty promises continually. I apologise from the bottom of my heart for saying what I said to you the other day. I’m sorry for not returning you the favour despite the great things you have done to me, to this relationship of ours.

To tell you the truth, I have never treated you like a dog. Yes, a DOG. Never in my mind, that I want to treat my boyfriend that way. It is way too harsh. I know it hurts to be screamed such statement, and it hurts even more if it comes from your own girlfriend. Yes, I know that. But it was all said under frustration.

You told me that I look more cheerful, I was full of laughter and noise when I am with my friends, but the total opposite when it comes to you. The problem with that is because I have known them for like 4 years or so. I have gone through so many ups and downs with them. We see each other grow. But in your case however, we merely know each other for about 5 months? Like what Alia said, having to be more open to someone, we just need time to do so. On another note, you said your friends would like it if you are off without me. Reason being is because when you are with me, you have gone out with them lesser. But from the start, I have always asked you to prioritize your friends before me, because I know that you have known them longer then you know me. I do not prevent you from spending your Saturday nights with them, I never did. Instead, I encouraged you to go meet up with them and to constantly remind you not to forget them once you have your new friends. Yes, I often get jealous over you and your girl friends. No denial to that. But the reason that I am jealous is because I don’t want you to fall into other people’s hand; I don’t want to lose you. That’s the reason why. You may say I’m unreasonable to be green with envy over such issues but I couldn’t help it but to feel that way. You often talk about your female classmates to me. You always seemed happy to be around your classmates. Honestly, I don’t like it. It makes me look like a total idiot to not be able to be the one who makes you happy. Oh, it almost slipped my mind that I am already stupid right?

You constantly say that I do not treasure you. You do not make a difference. Well hey, you got it wrong. I admit that I do not show you enough affection, I do not shower you with enough love, and I do not prove to you that I love you. But you once said the only person that knows me best is none other than myself. So I know that deep down within me, I do love you. You do make a difference and I do treasure you most. Having to lose another confidant in this short period of time is difficult for me. I am not ready to face another loss. No, not now please. I really appreciate the fact that you don’t want me to suffer on my own and thus you help me to be more open to people to tell off my problems with. But I kept telling you again and again that, that task itself may sound simple but truth is, it is not, at all. I will try my best, but shit happens. In the midst of it, I will always lose my way and that, cause the dispute.

Nevertheless, I hope you do believe that I love you most and again, I am remorseful of the things I’ve done that make this relationship at its most bitter state. I do not blame you for having said your decision because I know you are suffering. I bet your other ex-girlfriends have never made you feel this way. I am really really sorry.

Ilyvm, really.

Murnie. Neither 12 nor 14. But turning 18 by the end of the year. Attached and currently pursuing a diploma in RP. ;)